Retro

Goodest morning!

This morning I laid in bed longer and basked in appreciation, as is suggested by AH. It's funny how we so easily forget the daily routine and our joy of it. For instance, I love when my two doggies get so excited to see me wake up. Yet, lately I've been just throwing off the blankets and dragging out of bed, barely extending a pat on the head.

This morning doggie one whom I'll call "Blue" did his usual jumping off and on the bed, anxious to get the morning going, and more importantly his breakfast going. Every morning, without exception, as soon as I stir he leaps up and stands right on top of my chest. Tail wagging off the charts, staring right into my eyes like "She's up! Yay! She's up!". Then doggie 2 whom I'll call "Red" yawns and makes her way over from the pillow beside mine to lounge across whatever is left of me that Blue isn't occupying.

So, this morning I pet them. I scratched behind their ears and under Blue's neck, which he loves. I cooed 'good morning' and allowed the moment to be as long as it wanted to be. When Blue jumped off, Red simply stretched further across me and poked her cute black nose into my chin.

By the time I got up both were practically tripping over themselves in excitement.

It was a good morning. Made even better by the fact that I had given thought to:

1. How warm my bed was and how it is such a comfort to me.
2. How happy I was that the storm seemed to have blown right past us and I didn't need anything of my laid out 'storm survival gear' (earplugs, blinds etc)
3. How happy I was that I had switched to the positive aspects of the many people I had encountered yesterday. And how much better that had felt.
4. How much I was looking forward to keeping this momentum.

There were two things, however that popped up with stinging negativity. The first was "I feel fat. I ate too much. I'm bloated. I need to get back in shape". The second thing was "Retro". Anything about him. Even just picturing his face makes my stomach hot with anger and frustration.

I had put Retro on my Focus Wheel list for today but I think I will also tend to my body vibe. I know that what I put out there, a vibe of guilt and self loathing or a vibe of confidence and self loving will bring back to me more of it. And I know that I do not want to attract someone who is also self loathing so....what do I want?

I want to feel good in my physical body. I want to love it and appreciate it. I want to trust it.

Good. So...

Top of page: I feel fat and disappointed in myself for not doing anything about it.
Centre of page: See above. I want to....

1. Well, I know that I am not fat as in large. I know that it is a matter of a few pounds around the middle, maybe five, maybe ten. So, though some of my clothes are a bit tighter, most still fit comfortably and, when I get all dressed up, hair makeup etc, I know that I am attractive.
2. Weight flucuates all the time and is really not all that hard to manage.
3. I do enjoy working out. I especially love spending time stretching after cardio. I love the heat in my body and the ease with which my muscles expand. I love that.
4. I love knowing I can run with Sunshine and play with her...just not in a swimming pool

uh oh. I just flew off the wheel.

Bathing suits. Bikinis. My jelly belly. Ak!

Hmmm....

5. It's not as bad as others....? Nope. I can lose it. Nope. Pressure. Unacceptance. Hmmm...I do love lying down on a towel or a lounge and seeing that my stomache goes flat. And I can even see the pulse of my heart gently in my belly. And I love the smoothness of my skin.

Better....

6. And I do love how I feel when I am strong and lean and my wasitline is more defined.
7. And I love seeing the lean curves of my waist and tummy in the bathtub as my body aligns more with what I am wanting.
8. And I do know that my body is my friend and wants what I want and will happily adjust to bring it to me and that all I have to do is love it.
9. And I am so grateful and feel so empowered in its ability to repel sickness.
10. And my body is strong. So strong and healthy. When I breathe it feels like fresh air making its way through my whole system. Fresh air on a crisp, airy spring day.
11. And I love that my body gives me symbols of its health. Images of fresh dewy flowers opening up.
12. And I do love my hair. I've got great hair. Thick, wavy, long. And I like it best this shade of blond.
13. I know that my body will adjust to my preference without me having to do anything other than be happy. I remember when I got a job that I was so so so thrilled and excited about. Every day was a joyful challenge. I felt alive and energetic and just so happy. And without me doing anything, without me changing how or what or when I ate, without me exercising, my body slimlined into a lean little package. It felt great. I remember those black pants and that pretty pink sweater. I loved how I looked and felt in that. So fit and powerful. Happiness is power isn't it?
14. I love learning to trust my body again. I love knowing that it doesn't have to be a battle, a daily chore of pushing. I love knowing that it is just waiting for me to realign.
15. I am so so soooooo excited about my dance classes. I can't wait to start next week! And I know that this will be one of the avenues to my success.
16. I'm in no hurry. Indeed, I am enjoying still feeling sexy even with this extra weight. I am feeling womanly, which is kinda cool.
17. My body really is pretty amazing.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh.

Well, I'm going to actually stop right here. In a sweet spot. I'll get to other wheels later....

....or not

:)

Me