I want to feel good!

I want to feel good. I want to feel good! I want to feel good!

Yesterday kinda sucked....in the feeling department. I know I expanded and learned more clearly what I didn't and therefore did want.

But it was a frustrating day. As it should have been. I'd gone to bed a bit frustrated with my scheduling for the next day. I was feeling the pressure to write but unable to do it because of Sunshine's new class in the morning. Then I kept getting woken up. That was when I got really cranky.

Not a good way to fall asleep. When one falls asleep that way, one usually wakes up that way. Which I did.

So, I didn't bask. I didn't list positive aspects. I didn't focus wheel. There was 'too much to do'. So, when I went to clean out the ice in the fridge that I was selling, I poked a hole right in the freon chamber and basically killed the fridge. And lost $40. I was so mad. I'd been counting on that $50. So, I got all pissy and stayed that way for awhile, rushing about madly, trying to get the car packed with bottles for the depot, clothes for consignment etc.

And that was how my day was. I tried to meditate in the early afternoon but couldn't swing it.

Gradually the day got ab it better. But I can't say I was happy.

Not as happy as the day before. Remember when I say AH says I will see evidence in one day. Well, as I got myself feeling all happy around money, lo and behold, I suddenly got some money that had been owed to me! $156! I was thrilled!

So, why couldn't I hold that! Why couldn't I focus there?! I got $156 bucks and then I got all pissy around losing $50. I guess I was pissy before I killed the fridge and only got pissier when it happened. Moreso, I got mad at myself for slipping, for letting things get to me and then, when I saw the manifestational results, I got even more mad.

The good thing is that I saw the correlation. I mean, right away. When AH says you can see results in a day, they were right! Both good and bad results!

So, I went to bed last night with better intentions, though still feeling less than stellar about my scheduling. So, this morning, I want to feel good about it and bring it into my day.

This is what's bugging me:

1. This new schedule takes away a writing morning for me.
2. Now that I have been given notes from the HP editor I want to write with all of the morning,which means no workout.
3. So, when am I supposed to work out?
4. And now that we're back in a routine, I want to have more time to make supper, not rush around last minute. Especially with all the evening classes planned.
5. And what about just home stuff...cleaning, get the windshield repaired, winterize the yard, get my shoes fixed etc
4. If I do this stuff in the day, when do I fit in Sunshine's homeschooling?

Okay, so there it is.

Not to mention a twinge of anger toward Retro for demanding this new schedule! Which gets me more mad 'cause I'd done the focus wheel on him and was feeling better.

Ugh.

This is harder than I thought. No, wrong thought. This takes more practice than I thought. Duh. Only every day, all day.

But I can do it. I know I can. I want to. So bad!

Okay, so...well, I know that at this red hot minute I don't have to DO anything. I just have to feel better about it. So, here it goes:

Top of page: I'm stressed about how to get everything done in a day.
Centre: I move through my day with ease and feelings of accomplishment all day long.


1. I do know that things never take as long as I think they will. So, the book and the script are not such overwhelming undertakings.
2. I don know that it will all work out fine. It always does.
3. I am so grateful that I have flexibility to move things around if need be.
4. I do love my Sunshine and was so happy to see her enjoying her new school books, especially the science experiments. Those will be such fun to do!
5. I love having nice, easy, leisurely time at the end of the day to snuggle up with Sunshine and read our favorite books. I love her excitement to read them.
6. I love the idea of a great work out where I have time to stretch all my muscles and I can feel the joy in body. I love stretching!
7. I love walking the dogs. I just love it. Especially in the fall when leaves are brilliant and the air is crisp and the geese and ducks are everywhere.
8. I love the idea of homecooked meals. Fun, different meals that I have leisured over lovingly.
9. I love the idea of singing, full out. Feeling my vocal chords expand as I reach for higher and lower notes. I love knowing my voice is preparing to work again. I love the idea of being back on stage, belting out a great song!
10. I love watching Sunshine bounce from one fun activity to the next, jsut full out happy and I wonder if that's what could work for me...just doing things as they feel fun and eliminating the rigidity of scheduling them. That would be nice. I somehow feel that my days would be energized more...
11. I have a great life really. I have so much. So much.
12. I feel great knowing I am embarking on new things that will bring so much joy and satisfaction to my life.
13. I feel lucky.
14. I am lucky.


Aaaaaahhhhh....

And as to Retro,

1. I know that he is willing to hear Sunshine and try to make things better for her.
2. He really is a great lesson in 'letting go' of control and realigning. Seriously he is. I love the feeling of sighing as I realize I can't change him. The relaxing of my shoulders, the loosening of my muscles, the letting go of and re-focussing on things that make me happy.
3. He did choose a great family for Sunshine. She loves them all. And that makes me very happy.
4. I see us happy in our own separate lives, with friendly communication about Sunshine. 5. I see us happy in our own separate lives, with friendly communication about Sunshine.
6. I see us happy in our own separate lives, with friendly communication about Sunshine.

I love that idea. Happy inour own lives, with friendly communication about Sunshine.

Now that feels good.

Yay!

from
Me